Reflexive, Intensive & Reciprocal Pronouns

You've just finished a group science project, and you're firing off a message in the class chat: "Thanks for helping myself with the poster." Your friend sends back a laughing emoji and one word: "Myself?" Now you're not sure. Was that wrong? Does myself sound more grown-up than me, or does it just sound wrong dressed up as posh?

Here's the thing. Words like myself, yourself, himself and each other aren't fancy alternatives to me and you — they're pronouns with specific jobs, and each job has its own rule. Some of them turn an action back on the same person who did it. Some of them just add a bit of stress, like underlining a word. And some of them — each other, one another — describe an action that bounces back and forth between two or more people. Nobody's born knowing which is which, but once you see the three jobs clearly, the guessing stops.

Before you read on, here's where we're heading. By the end of this article, you'll be able to: - Spot a reflexive pronoun and know why it needs the subject and object to match. - Tell a reflexive pronoun apart from an intensive (emphatic) one — same words, different job. - Use each other and one another correctly for actions that go both ways. - Catch the classic hypercorrection mistakes — between you and myself, for yourself — before they catch you out.

This article builds on the basics of personal pronouns and possessives already covered in the library — if I/me or my/mine still feel wobbly, have a look at H2.1 (personal pronouns) and H2.2 (possessive pronouns) first. We won't repeat that ground here; we're picking up exactly where those leave off.

Beginner (Foundation)

Let's start with the easiest bit: what these words are, and what they look like.

You'll recognise the reflexive pronouns straight away — they're the ones ending in -self or -selves:

• myself
• yourself / yourselves
• himself
• herself
• itself
• ourselves
• themselves

You use a reflexive pronoun when the subject of a sentence and the object of that same verb are the same person or thing. Sounds a bit textbook, so let's use an example you might actually say:

• I cut myself on the broken glass.

Who did the cutting? I. Who got cut? Myself — the same person as I. The action bounces back onto the person who did it, like a tennis ball hit against a wall and caught by the same hand that threw it. That's why it's called reflexive — it reflects back.

More everyday examples:

• She taught herself to play guitar.
• We enjoyed ourselves at the party.
• The cat cleaned itself in a patch of sunlight.
• You need to believe in yourself before the exam.

If the subject and object are two different people, you don't use a reflexive at all — you use an ordinary object pronoun:

• ✓ I cut him. (different person)
• ✗ I cut himself.
• ✓ She helped me.
• ✗ She helped myself.

There's also a handy idiom you already know without realising it: by + reflexive means "alone." I did the whole poster by myself simply means nobody helped. Nothing tricky there — just tuck it away.

Now for intensive (also called emphatic) pronouns. Here's the twist: they use the exact same words — myself, herself, themselves — but they're doing a completely different job. They're not standing in as the object of the verb at all. They're just there to add emphasis.

Compare:

• I baked this cake.
• I baked this cake myself.

In the second sentence, myself isn't receiving the baking. It's just stressing that I, and nobody else, did it. If you delete myself, the sentence is still complete: I baked this cake. That "you could remove it and the sentence still stands" is your clue you're looking at an intensive pronoun, not a reflexive one.

Finally, reciprocal pronouns: each other and one another. These describe an action passing between two or more people, going both ways — like two friends swapping homework to check it:

• We checked each other's answers. (You checked your friend's; your friend checked yours.)
• The players congratulated each other after the match.
• The twins kept copying one another's drawings.

Notice the difference this makes to meaning. We checked ourselves would mean each person checked their own work — a completely different idea. Reciprocal pronouns exist precisely because English needs a way to show an action travelling back and forth between people, not just bouncing back onto one.

Quick recap: - Reflexive pronouns end in -self / -selves and mean the subject and object are the same person. - Intensive pronouns use the same forms but only add emphasis — remove them and the sentence still works. - Reciprocal pronouns (each other, one another) show an action passing between two or more people. - By myself / yourself etc. simply means "alone."

Intermediate (Development)

Now that you've got the basic shapes, let's look at where people actually slip up — including teachers, school newsletters and the odd shop sign. Nobody's perfect.

The subject = object test, properly applied

The golden rule for reflexives is: use one only when the subject and object of the same verb are the same person or thing.

• I embarrassed myself during the presentation.
• You should be proud of yourself.
• He blamed himself for the mistake.
• We prepared ourselves for the exam.
• They introduced themselves to the new teacher.

Every one of these follows the same pattern: subject → verb → reflexive pronoun referring back to that same subject. If the action is done to somebody else, drop the reflexive:

• ✓ I embarrassed him.
• ✗ I embarrassed himself.
• ✗ I embarrassed hisself. (wrong twice over — wrong form and wrong logic)

Common Mistake: Hisself and theirselves turn up in casual speech, but they're not standard in exams or formal writing. The correct forms are himself and themselves — no exceptions.

Testing for intensive use

Ask yourself: could I delete this word and still have a complete sentence? If yes, it's intensive.

• The headteacher herself handed out the certificates. → The headteacher handed out the certificates. (still fine — intensive)
• He hurt himself during PE. → He hurt during PE. (falls apart — reflexive, and needed)

Intensive pronouns can also shift the feel of a sentence, not just add volume:

• I spoke to the teacher.
• I myself spoke to the teacher.

The second version hints that you did it personally rather than through someone else — maybe you're slightly proud of that, or slightly put out that it fell to you. Emphasis can carry a bit of attitude along with the stress.

Each other vs one another — the rule, and the reality

You may have been taught: each other for two people, one another for three or more.

• The two captains shook hands with each other.
• The whole team congratulated one another.

That distinction is genuinely old and genuinely taught — but in real, modern usage, most careful writers treat the two as interchangeable, and most exam boards accept either. If you're ever asked to justify a choice in an exam, know the traditional rule; in your own writing, don't lose sleep over it.

Both take a possessive form with 's:

• They borrowed each other's chargers.
• We read one another's stories.

Pro-Tip: If you're stuck choosing between them, default to each other. It's slightly more common in everyday English and always safe.

The hypercorrection trap: "between you and myself"

Here's where it gets sneaky. Because myself sounds a bit more careful and grown-up than me, people start reaching for it everywhere — including places where it's flatly wrong:

• ✗ If you have any questions, ask myself.
• ✗ She gave the tickets to my friend and myself.
• ✗ Between you and myself, that test was impossible.
• ✗ This is a project for myself and Keira.

This is called hypercorrection: trying so hard to sound careful that you overshoot into an actual mistake. The test is always the same — is myself referring back to an I as the subject in the same clause? If there's no reflexive action happening (nobody is doing something to themselves), you need me, not myself.

• ✓ I'll do it myself. (refers back to I — fine)
• ✗ Ask myself if you're not sure. → ✓ Ask me if you're not sure.
• ✗ …to my friend and myself. → ✓ …to my friend and me.

A quick trick: strip the sentence down to just the pronoun. She gave the tickets to my friend and myself becomes, once you remove "my friend," She gave the tickets to myself — and that sounds obviously wrong on its own. Swap in me, put your friend back, and you're sorted: She gave the tickets to my friend and me.

Common Mistake: Using myself just because a sentence feels formal. If there's no I doing something to itself earlier in the same clause, use me — every time, no matter how important the sentence sounds.

Quick recap: - Reflexives need subject and object to match; intensives are removable emphasis. - Hisself and theirselves are non-standard — use himself and themselves. - Each other and one another are mostly interchangeable in modern use, despite the old two-vs-more "rule." - Hypercorrection means swapping in myself for me to sound formal — it's wrong, and the "strip the sentence down" test catches it every time.

Advanced (Mastery)

If you're feeling confident, let's dig into the grey areas — the bits that show up in higher-level writing, tricky exam questions, and everyday sentences that are more slippery than they first appear.

Reflexives as objects of prepositions

A reflexive pronoun can sit after a preposition (for, by, with, among), as long as it still refers back to the subject:

• She bought herself a new notebook.
• He kept that secret to himself.
• We were pleased with ourselves for finishing early.
• They talked among themselves before deciding.

But if the preposition's object is a different person from the subject, use an ordinary object pronoun instead:

• ✓ She bought me a new notebook. (not herself — the buyer and receiver are different people)
• ✓ He kept that secret from us.

Reflexivity across clauses — where it gets genuinely tricky

Here's a subtlety that trips up even confident writers: in a sentence with more than one clause, a reflexive pronoun matches the subject of its own clause, not necessarily the subject of the whole sentence.

• I told him that he should believe in himself.

Two clauses here. The first has I as subject; the second has he. The reflexive himself refers to the he of its own clause, not the I of the main sentence. Get this wrong and you get nonsense: I told him that he should believe in myself would mean something quite different (and almost certainly not what you intended).

The same logic applies to infinitive phrases:

• The coach asked the players to challenge themselves.

"Challenge themselves" belongs to the understood subject of "to challenge" — the players — so themselves is correct, not himself (referring to the coach).

Reflexive vs reciprocal: same shape, different meaning entirely

This is one of the most useful distinctions in the whole topic, because choosing the wrong one genuinely changes what you're saying:

• The players blamed themselves. → Each player feels personally responsible.
• The players blamed each other. → They're pointing fingers at their teammates.
• The students introduced themselves. → Each student gave their own name.
• The students introduced each other. → Each student introduced someone else.

In fiction and exam comprehension, this choice can flip a whole scene's meaning, so it's worth reading twice whenever you see a reflexive or reciprocal pronoun doing quiet work in a sentence.

Fixed idioms that keep the reflexive

Certain verbs and phrases simply demand a reflexive as part of their standard shape: help yourself, behave yourself, make yourself at home, enjoy yourself, pride yourself on. These aren't really "rules" you calculate — they're fixed expressions you learn as units. Drop the reflexive from one of these and it sounds incomplete or oddly formal: Behave! works as a shout, but Behave yourself is the fuller, more natural version in most contexts.

Possessives with reciprocal pronouns

One detail that catches out even good writers: the possessive form is each other's, never each others'. The apostrophe goes before the s because each other behaves as a single unit, not a plural noun needing an apostrophe after it.

• ✓ They swapped each other's notes.
• ✗ They swapped each others' notes.

Common Mistake: Writing "each others'" with the apostrophe after the s. Each other isn't plural in the way "students" is — treat it as one unit, and the apostrophe always comes before the final s.

Pro-Tip: Read a sentence with myself/himself/themselves out loud. If it sounds like something from a period drama rather than something you'd actually say, check whether you genuinely need the reflexive — or whether plain me/him/them would do the job better.

Quick recap: - Reflexives after prepositions still need to match the subject of the clause they're in. - Across multiple clauses, a reflexive matches the subject of its own clause, not the whole sentence. - Reflexive and reciprocal pronouns can express genuinely different meanings — blamed themselves vs blamed each other. - Some verbs (pride yourself on, behave yourself) fix the reflexive as part of the idiom. - The possessive is always each other's, never each others'.

UK vs US Note

Reflexive, intensive and reciprocal pronouns work exactly the same way in UK and US English — no differences in the rules at all. The only thing that shifts is spelling in related vocabulary: a British writer will talk about recognising the pattern [US: recognizing] or checking work at the end of a full stop [US: period]. The pronouns themselves — myself, yourself, each other and the rest — don't change on either side of the Atlantic.

Key Takeaways

• Reflexive pronouns (myself, yourself, himself, herself, itself, ourselves, themselves) show the subject and object of a verb are the same person.
• Intensive pronouns use identical forms but only add emphasis — delete them and the sentence still stands.
• Reciprocal pronouns (each other, one another) describe an action passing between two or more people; the old "two vs three+" rule is mostly ignored in modern usage.
• Hypercorrection — using myself to sound formal — is one of the most common mistakes around; if there's no reflexive action, use me.
• Reflexive and reciprocal choices can genuinely change meaning (blamed themselves vs blamed each other), so read carefully.
• The possessive is always each other's, never each others'.

Check Your Understanding

1. Choose the correct option: "They blamed ___ for the loss." a) them b) themselves c) each other
2. Is myself reflexive or intensive here: "I wrote this essay myself"?
3. Correct this sentence if needed: "If you have any questions, come and see myself after class."
4. Fill the gap with each other or themselves: "The two sisters kept borrowing ___ clothes."
5. Explain the difference in meaning between: a) "The players criticised themselves." b) "The players criticised each other."

Answer Key

1. b) themselves — subject (they) and object are the same, so it's reflexive.
2. Intensive — "I wrote this essay" is already complete; myself just adds emphasis.
3. Corrected: "…come and see me after class." There's no I in that clause for myself to refer back to.
4. each other's — the sisters are borrowing one another's clothes; this is reciprocal, not reflexive.
5. a) Each player feels personally responsible (turned inward). b) The players are blaming their teammates (bouncing between people).

Internal Links

This article builds on the foundations laid in Pillar 1: Pronouns — The Complete Overview, and should link forward to: - H2.1 — Personal Pronouns: I, Me, You, Him, Her, They - H2.2 — Possessive Pronouns and Determiners: My, Mine, Your, Yours

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